The Blues

I miss my rough and tumble hands,
Their my proof at a hard life.
I miss the cuts and the bruises,
Their my proof at a hard life.
Though the dirt and grime'll fade,
I'm stained on the inside.

I ain't never been so nervous,
As I am when I see you.
Ain't no naturalness, No closeness,
As when I am with you.
So if you let me in lady,
We just gotta have the truth.

So if I make it out of bed today,
Then it's gonna be a good day.

These tears that I been crying,
Rough and tumble tears.
These tears that I been crying,
They all cause all of my fears.
Cause your the thing that I want lady.
And I ain't got no more strength for fear.

So if I make it out of bed today,
Then it's gonna be a good day.

Unconcerned

I am inspired.
In the hand I was dealt.
Dealt so much,
And so much dealt back.
Give me a hammer and some nails,
And I'll make worlds stack.
But everything I've tossed away,
I've donated to the wolves.
They growl and devour,
Whats spiritual and good.
Such is, Such is the banter of our world.
Some things, Some things are made for this world.
Those things, Those things will thus gain dust.
Dust is, Dust is, Dust is - Just dust.

But my love for thee
Can in no ways be forgotten.
It burns so strong,
Impetus for all I've gotten.
Gotten strength, and the weakness I've forgotten.
I took the knife of love to my soul,
And tore out seven pounds of rotten.
So I've fought with my fists,
And I've fought with my words.
I've lost both times,
Independent of all my courage.
Independent of all my strength,
Quickness, and intelligence.
Cause when you fight all you do is
Get tired,
And I've been sick of it.
So I turn around,
And I turn the other cheek.
Bootstrap myself,
With all the love that's been begotten.
Survive on a ray of light,
That's what I had sought and,
Survived on a ray of light,
That's how I'm walking.

Yet as I whittle, whittle,
And whistle while I work.
I slip and cut my finger,
And bleed out onto creation.
These blood tinged skies,
So pretty in desolation,
The light bleeds I,
Don't know my constellations.
And can't tell you north from south,
Or south from north.
All I know is where the sun rises,
Is where my prayers set their course.
The truth in this discourse,
You can never know where your ship arrives,
You can only set your sails,
And make prayers your cries.
So I've cried so many nights,
About how I've done the wrong.
But I forgot those nights,
Where my heart was so strong,
And my words so eloquent,
I could have never been the author.
Truth is,
I know that Gods my sponsor.
So I keep making my own path,
Through this frozen desolation.
Set bonfires along the way,
To bring heat and thus elation
To the peoples of the worlds.
All their love gives me courage.
To be the man I am,
Cause what I am,
Is to share all I've learned.

The Blues

I have a melancholy
And its got your name on it.
You own that part of me,
So I'll just cut it off and laugh.

I thought I heard god
But it was just the rumbling earth
I said I thought I heard god
In that rumbling earth

Pain is just the weakness
Leaving your spirit
I guess I've got no weakness
But that pain still around.

I thought I felt god,
But it was just a passing wave
I said I thought I felt god,
In a passing wave.

I see a beauty in that picture
It don't matter if it makes me cry
I see a beauty in that pain
I don't want that solace anyways

I thought I saw god
But it was just the passing wind
I said I thought I saw god
In that passing wind

I thought I cried god,
But it was just the howling wind.
I said I thought I cried god
Well I'll do it anyways.

12/19/08

Inside the solitude of self,
Inside the solitude of mind
I built a world upon these thoughts,
And all these thoughts they were just times.
They were just times upon that mind,
That was simply just denying,
Simply so inane,
And in time I lost my frame.
So I was something that was not me,
Upon these questions tragedy.
The thought and the question,
Was I more then I could see?

Some words kindly injected,
Then so vexed I was infected,
With a thought that I was more then I could see.
So presented with a question,
That I was more than I'll be,
If I was so little now,
Then what was I to be today?
Today is just tomorrows been,
And todays been is yesterday,
Yesterday was to be greater,
Then whats today?

These words are all the simple truths,
The diction and the fiction
That we create each day in life.
In every thought, we thought we were.
But if we are more then we are,
And I was more then I'll be,
Then what am I?
Then what am I?
Then what am I?

So presented with this question
Yes I've chosen,
Oh I've chosen,
To exist as I am now.
In these tests and these decisions,
Or those indecisioned failures,
Are just self.
The reasons, motivations, and the answers
That I've sought,
Pose no matter, are no matter,
All that matters is that I've fought.
With ever ounce,
And every atom,
To be a son of adam,
That deserves the name and station of baha.

If the diction is all wrong,
And the truth has all turned fiction,
And the harvest has gone awry,
Because my choices were all lies.
And the wrongs pile onto wrongs,
And the right is never found.
It never really mattered,
Because words never rhymed.
I can rest knowing that I am strong.

And so the strength that I've begotten,
Or I've created, or I've gotten, or I've strengthened,
Or I've made, or I've built into this place,
Into this mind, into this heart, into this soul,
Into this part of me that grow
That Grows
That grows
That grows
That grows.
Cause I'm not one to stand aside,
And let the world go on itself.
I will raise upon this banner top,
The songs that I have sung.
The songs I have sang so many nights,
To give me strength to cry.
To give me strength to make it right,
To let me make it by.
But I am done with all this eeking.
I am done with this subsistance.
I am done just being,
I am living,
I am seeing.
How the sun shines through the clouds,
In the darkest of the storms.
And the starts come out at night,
With never ending courage.
And a waterfall that batters stones,
Can only make them smooth.
I am ready to skip across the lake,
And never wet my feet.

Dust

If I created this life from dust,
To dust it goes.
Should I keep the intrinsic,
The virtues that I know.
Should I be judged for my meaning,
Or for the choices I did know?
If I should cut myself down,
And onto nothingness go?

If I should,
Live like a vagabond,
A highway man theif.
If I should,
Make all the money,
And become the disease.
If I should,
See all these choices,
Out in a line,
Then I should,
Be strong enough,
To choose well in time.
But if I,
Should falter,
Falling astray.
Then I should,
Push through connections,
The love and the hate.
Then I should,
Be strong enough,
To stand up alone.
Then I should,
Stand,
Stand Like a stone.

Be like a stone in a moment,
A lover the next.
The contradictions of my diction,
Serve notes on arrest.
Like racial indignation,
The station resets.
Then were back down to nothing,
Building ourselves.
But if we live for the moment,
A time in our lives.
Where were stronger then we've ever been,
To reach the goals in our lives.
Then we magnify and own it,
Mortar and stone it.
Raise ourselves above ourselves,
And keep the setting, stage loaded.
Then we can fly like a bird,
Chasing the wind.
Then we can be what we want,
Stronger then whim.

Teraforming Self

Strictly speaking,
I am a valley of self.
Between mountains of ego,
And a spring of spirituality.
My goal is that some day
This valley becomes flooded
With the waters of love and truth.
The process is slow and systematic,
but that spring that was once an oasis,
Is quickly turning this place
Into a sweltering jungle.
In time all that will remain are the pure waters
Of a lake so clear,
One can see the remains of that oasis,
That served my sanctuary.

Word of Worlds

I push too hard,
Too fast,
Too long,
Too strong.
Two eyes,
Two lips,
One mind,
One kiss.
One thought,
Two minds,
Two hearts,
Two times.
I wont,
Ever,
Give up,
This race.
I push forever,
To save this place:
My mind,
My heart,
My love,
My spark.
Redress,
Remarks,
Reframe,
Insane,
As passion
In His name.

Express,
One word,
One life,
In Gods name.
Expel,
My life,
My weakness,
My pain.
My tears:
My rain
Give life.
Refrain,
Profane,
Detain
Efforts to remain inane.
Efforts corrupted by
The veils we make.
Inside and out,
Juxtopposed the redoubt,
Breath in and quick shout:
I am alive,
And I will never,
Set down this stone,
This knife,
This gun,
This life,
This blood,
We bled,
To save us from,
Mistakes,
Intakes,
Expel,
Repel,
I sell,
Sea shells,
To sea shores.
Cause it seems-
I remember my childhood lore.
I remember this, that and more.
I remember what it is in store.
I remember threadbare rugs,
And knotted floors.
I remember whiplash,
Of many lives past.
I remember marshal law,
And city streets.
Does it really matter whether,
I speak this to beats?

I have a past:
And it is too strong,
To righteous,
To ever be forgotten.
Long drawn bows,
Hunt game in this begotten,
Word of worlds,
Beholden hearts of courage.
Little feats plod cleats and my mind it stirs.
If it's a dream, then it seems life is so untrue.
And if it's real, then its real, and I'll stand with you.
But this past, and this stand, and these words
And this land,
Must never,
Never be forgotten

Finals :)

He's like a thousand heartbeats,
Raging at once.
Stronger then the thoughts of defeat,
On this battlefront.
And should his knees get weak,
He will walk to the front,
And say a simple prayer,
Then continue his hunt.

Strength is Soft

Somethings are hard.
Others so hard,
They shatter at the slightest breath.
Yet others change and rearrange,
For apparently no reason.
Some can stand the test of time,
By bending, changing, drawing lines.
A tree that grows through cracks in pavement.
The grass that grows in the desert sand.
The flower that stands up,
To the soles of many.

So my soul and I sailed the ocean of life.
Wracked by the storms of self.
Burned by the sun of love.
Until a tidal wave,
Threw me and washed my sails away.
And so in isolation,
I sat and I so yearned,
To set sail once again.
To be that setting sun.

Until I had thus learned,
You can set your sails for whatever lands you wish,
But the ocean,
She decides where you belong.
And so my walls thus crumbled,
Like the tower of Babylon.
I learned that I'd mistaken,
Strength for a brittle facade.

I ain't no fisherman

Two steps forward, and one step back.
I walk my own path, and make my own tracks.
Aloof and pretentious, hopeless and inspired,
Walk your own path,
Lit by my lonely heart of fire.
You'll see:
I stared at a lion just to prove I wouldn't blink.
Gave away a pot of gold, just to show I couldn't sink.
Rhymed this and that just to show you I could write,
Then turned it on a dime, just to show you I was bright.
So I shined like the sun, to warm this frigid land.
Then shared my soul, so that you could understand.
The core of myself,
And the basic of my nature.
Cause words cant decide,
But faces motivate ya.
Cause I ain't no lawyer, or doctor, or voice of the land.
I am what I am, and what that is is a man.
So I put one foot front the other,
And walk my own path.
Cause as I walk this land,
I litter pictures with my flash.
I need no compass,
For my map is written by the One.
Trinity mistaken,
For the Matrix, not the Son.
For my love is for a daughter,
And her smile too bright to break.
We've all seen better times,
But the futures whats at stake.
And as I've pushed,
And as I've learned,
The tiredness is just the scorn.
Its no skin off your back,
Be energized,
And thus reborn.
Know that every moments precious,
Cause even with a heavy heart.
You brighten peoples day,
With your happiness,
Your spark.

Tomfoolery

Whislin' dixy on a dog day afternoon.
The sun blazes like your mother, Screaming out of tune.
See your own reflection in cloudy place.
Reach touch your eyes and miss your face.
Misfired,
Bonefied,
Simplified,
Stupefied.
I've seen your eyes,
And know your face.
Growing strong,
A simple grace.

Raindrops falling, cleaning my eyes.
Tears I've seen quenching those fires.
Loving whispers, stubborn embrace.
See it growing, speed'n the pace.
Sometimes,
We are lost.
Sometimes
We fall down.
Sometimes,
We get back up and try.
If I fail to see,
Won't you guide me?

Simply sitting, minds running in place.
Future, Future, futures embrace.
I see the hard work,
Blood sweat and tears.
I see the effort, love in those years.
Sometimes,
We choose wrong.
Sometimes,
We feel lost,
But sometimes,
We come and fix it.
If I fail to see,
Won't you guide me?

Imagination

If seeing is believing,
Then believing
Is deceiving.
The things we thought we saw,
We never saw at all.
Conjugates and opposites,
Reciprocals of negatives.
Photographs of imagery,
Imaginations scene.

Until I saw my own reflection,
In a picture of the flame.
Got so close it burned me,
Cause I thought we were the same.
But commonplace and similar,
Are nebulous at best.
And integrative forces,
Don't often pass the test.

What if we were to take that cloud,
And somehow make it whole?
To show the path to completion,
In the history of the world?
Avoiding Narcissus,
And my weak heel.
Sleeping in a den of lions,
Avoiding religious zeal.
Holding Mary's hand,
Cause I wish she'd do the same,
Meditating through the schism,
Even when it came again.
The bloodshed and the multitudes,
Who learned the lesson soon,
Unification of our races,
Or the races certain doom.
And if that man,
From out the well,
Should someday escape.
The return, might return us,
To a place we wont mistake.
But that boy there riddled,
And smoking in the wind,
Reminds me of sacrifice,
How love triumphs over sin.
And years spent in chains,
The pain too much to feel,
I'll make that load a little lighter,
So that those scars might some day heal.

And so I stand before you,
This brief synopsis in my hand.
Ignoring feuds for gold,
And this, our hallowed land.
Is it some coincidence,
One city is the same,
For every group of people,
And so we always blame,
The others cause their sinister,
And liars, and their thieves.
Well maybe someday the lesson learned,
Will be a mothers grief.
And if that day should come,
And empathy should be learned,
A step in human evolution,
And an ending of our scorn.

More rhymes

I breath like love,
In the darkest spots.
And bleed blood red,
When the hammer drops.
If I seem upset,
Its a slick facade,
Cause I slip right
Through to your toughest guard.
Trained to upkeep,
The truth and thus:
I've been blessed,
So I'm not one to
Whine or fuss.
I just take what I have,
And I grind it till,
It shines like the Sun,
Set inside and sealed.
Cause I'm not one,
To extol myself.
The verse is enough,
To exist in health.
To exist in mind,
To exist in time.
The truth is,
I ain't one to just stand aside.
I was born to stand high,
And to be thus proud,
Of the things I have done,
And my family shroud.
Of the time space,
Of my commonplace.
I am proud of the scars,
Sitting on my face.
And the words that are scribed,
On my back and side.
Of the lessons I payed,
With my skin and hide.

More later....

Moderation

I try to live my life as moderately as possible. To weight the two extremes, and sometimes more, of any option or choice, and find out where I fit in the middle. Whether it be the prose that I write, the clothes that I wear, or the way I carry myself, I try to avoid too much.

A few years ago I realized how overly complicated my life was, and since then I have been figuring out where I as a person fall in this massive gradient of complexity. I have since come to the conclusion that my personality is complicated enough, and thus, my spiritual, emotional and "real" life need to be less complex.

I am really happy to say that I have been very successful with this endeavor. Spiritually, I'm really no longer confused. I once thought that the outlet for my passions was the faith, and that I, was a single passionate person in a sea of dispassionate people. I came to a few realizations of how backwards this thinking is, and have since been the happiest and healthiest me in my life. Who would have thought that spending two years on yourself would actually work out.

Emotionally, well lets just say that I am the closest to my feelings I have been. I'm not naive enough to think that I can control them, but I know how to deal with them in a positive manner. How to recognize them, come to terms with them and finally express them. Whether it is realizing how much you cherish your little sister, and making it clear to her that you do, or expressing feelings of abandonment after a breakup-- I am really happy to say that things just can't get me down anymore. See spirituality. hahaha

As for real life, this was the hardest thing to simplify. Often, one can simply walk into a room, see the clutter and as such, see the complexity in another persons life. The way a person dresses, the way they walk or talk, or even the way they carry themselves can show you how complex their life is. I came to the conclusion that complexity is only as important as what it supports. If you have a family, your life should be complex. Extra people result in more complexity. Likewise with a house, a dog, etc. Often times we crave this complexity as a way of growth. However, I for one realized how superfluous much of the complexity in my life was. So I simply removed it. Its been hard, and really, I've spent so much time at friends houses because I couldn't be at my house. Spent so much time writing about how tired I was of my present life, so change was pretty easy.

Now, I have school, a job, a room without a desk that is completely organized, a guitar, a laptop, many books, a bed, a car, and bahai activities. Of course things get more complex when you think of all the different minutiae of each of these subjects, BUT, the point is that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter.

Simply put, the complete peace that I can so easily attain in my life now, are worth the sacrifices. Growth as a human being is no longer hard for me. If I need to change, or work on some aspect of myself, I simply do. The day is filled with times for enjoyment and happyness. From the moment I spend looking out to the tree in the parking lot at work, to the time spent walking around the beautiful campus I go to school on.

Life is full of beauty and enjoyment, we just have to slow down enough to see it, to feel it. Those perfect moments are out there, all you have to do is grab them.

I am a collector of perfect moments.

Continuation

Language--
Is misunderstood.
Cause we speak,
What we thought,
Or we think is good.
But the mind of a rhyme,
Is a simple truth,
Their short,
Like the stature
Of the Jr. Youth.
Or stick in your mouth
Like a Baby Ruth.

Love is,
What I wait for.
Hope is,
What I fight for.
Words are,
What we say.
Mind is,
With what we pay.

In a blink of an eye,
You can miss a word.
In the bat of a lash,
Where a man once stood.
In a thought of self,
There's a different plan.
In a laugh at might,
You can take my hand.

Indigo

I remember looking in the mirror,
Not too long ago.
I saw leanness,
And a hunger,
And a sadness,
And a soul.
I didn’t know what love meant,
But I wanted so badly to know.
I didn’t see the brightness in my eyes,
I saw a shadow and a hole.
So if I raise this banner high,
And I smile and make it so.
I’ll grow, I’ll grow, I’ll grow.

Cause I’ll keep going where I’m going.
I’ll keep doing what I’m doing.
I ain’t no ramblin man,
To stop this walking,
Or this growing.
Cause I’ve been the tumbleweed
Rolling from stone to stone.
I think its time I put some roots down.
I think its time for you to know:
I can’t be your beck and call boy.
I can’t be that indigo.

Indigo—bluest color eyes.
Indigo—Spilling tears from out your eyes.
Indigo—I can’t be your boy no more.
Indigo—I think its time for us to grow.

I don’t want to feel that hurt again,
I don’t want you out that door.
Everytime you have left me,
You left me slippin sore.
So it’s sad for me to say,
That I know you can’t stay.
So it’s better if you don’t come
Back no more.
I hope to never see you indigo.

Indigo—bluest color eyes.
Indigo—Spilling tears from out your eyes.
Indigo—I can’t be your boy no more.
Indigo—I think its time for us to grow.

And my smile is yours Indigo.
And my heart is yours Indigo.
And my hope is yours Indigo.
But if you walk out that door Indigo.
My soul stays mine – Indigo.

"Armed"

What is it in man that gives him the ability to love? Regardless of nationality, sexual preference, political creed, we all can love. We all have the innate ability to find someone or something more important than ourselves, and make that the point of our lives. Whether it be a family, a religion, or a social calling, we as humans can achieve that single greatness -- the ability to rise above ourselves through love.


Devon Gundry - "Armed" from Justin Baldoni on Vimeo.

I feel like the following is a universal truth. If we devote ourselves to something greater than ourselves, we can never be harmed. True, our physical bodies may perish. However, by giving ourselves entirely to something we survive through its survival. Faith -- in it may we all survive unharmed. In faith may we all serve our fellow man. In faith may I be of service.

Spoken Rhyme Intro and ratm stanza one

Realistically,
What was meant for me,
Exists.
So what I want to be,
Is seen
Through what I choose to be.
I am what I sought to see,
But real,
And imaginary,
Are different
Than the categories,
And allegories,
And sob stories
That we tell.
If hells a metaphor,
For the heretofore
Ignorances floor.
Then why we all sleeping,
All afraid of the door?
Why are we all laughing,
With the silence to abhor?
In these few lines
I can choose to be more.
In these few lines
I choose to be more.

I am a fire burning,
Minds thoughts turning.
It don't matter,
Don't stop,
This ain't unconcern an'
It ain't so paternal,
To burn these mortals.
We made of kindlin,
And burnin is normal.
Rising--The tone.
Burning this zone.
This tide of fire
It can't be conformed
It can't be deformed
It won't be reformed.
We are the love
That you see in your homes.
So turn your eyes up,
And so seek the stars.
Lets blow this rocket ship
To the safety of Mars.
Lets blow this rocket ship
To the furthest blue stars.
Lets blow this baby,
Till we become the stars.

What to Do?

If i should
Explain who I am,
In a song of self.
Or display what I am,
In a show of health.
Or demand your time,
So I can spit these rhymes-
Is it weird that I speak,
In these cryptic lines?

Common,
Like an simple verb.
But I shine,
Like the sun,
In darkest hood.
And I give like the fund,
But not understood,
Like the black of a hole,
Where a sun once stood.

Passion--
Cause I know and love,
What is right,
What is good,
And what stands above.
And I know who I am,
And where I'm from.
All the things that we've lost,
To this kingdom come.

Science--
Of the thoughts of self.
My words cut
Through the veils,
Of those thoughts of wealth.
And I stand for the rights,
Of those "someone else."
Cause I hope
They would stand,
With me till my death.

Does it matter,
How it goes?
If the beat scheme
Flutters,
If the rhymes,
They flow.
If I tell you
I love you,
In a game of go?
Is it strategy of art,
Or the soul of self?
Is this game that we play
Like the NES?


All I know
Is these words
Have been fueled
And so.
I'm on such a path,
Till the light does go--
And the moon does rise,
To change these tides,
To a place I can show
What words
Can hide.

I have a furious soul

I have a furious soul.
Tumultuous, spinning, charging, raging, yearning.
Anger, sadness, passion, frustration, love, hope, strength:
I feel them always and all at once.
Like bulls charging through a gorge,
Only to be stopped at my mind in an awful burst
Of anguish I can only explain as
The black crush of deep waters on ones chest
While trying to breath.
Like a Sun inside my chest burning so hot,
And spinning so fast
It threatens to explode from its enclosure
With its last words raging:
"I AM ALIVE."

Complexity of mind, heart and soul--
I've never known what it meant to feel one thing.
Reverberation, doubled back on itself,
Constructive interference that destroys
The edifices of thought until all that’s left
Is the chaos of passion pointed in every direction
And thus moving nowhere.
I had always been so confused.
I had always been searching, hoping, fighting, burning--
Yearning for that which I couldn't have.
A truth so poignant my entire existence hinged
On the teetering vibrations
Of the blood pulsing
Through each heartbeat
Of a newborn child.

In the silent moment of a prayer,
In the innocence of a kiss,
In the effulgent love of a hug,
Or the sobbing tidal wave of flowing tears.
In the weight of your friends as you carry them to bed.
In giving of myself until there was nothing left.
In forgetting myself--
I found what I needed,
But it was always fleeting--

Time and time again
I would throw myself from out
My mind and frantically search
The haystack until
The truth would appear
In the murky waters of
The world I see today.
In the shadows of the sea
A tendril I dared to grasp,
Would slip away
But not before it
Took my fingers as it slipped through me.
Leaving me with nothing but
The rough apparatus of self
That frightened me so,
I dared not look in the mirror.
Afraid of what I might see--
Nay.
Afraid of what I might be.
Hoping that I could someday become
A real boy.
I never knew what that was.

Suddenly that which had evaded me for so long--
That which I didn't even known I was searching for
I found.
An inner peace and calmness.
An understanding of my place,
A comfort inside my own skin--
As if I had finally reached my final being,
And this mis-sized suit that I had been
So embarrassed by,
For so many years,
Finally graced me with its trust enough to
Finally fit.
As if from out the volcanoes heart
The tree of life eternal sprouted
Bearing fruit of solace,
There upon a fiery soul.
And each tear of sadness
Passed too and fro
Until I knew,
Those nights I grieved
Thus passed to
Cool the lava’s core.

I finally knew that it would all be ok.
That I could walk into the depths of hell,
And burn until I could not move
And laugh at what I was.
That I had found that rocky path,
That leads you from the dark forests of self,
And warm slumbers of passion,
Unto the very slopes of knowledge
That let us know ourselves.
And there upon the mountain gleaming,
Heart within my hand I stand
One thousand daggers poised on my back,
The hang mans noose around my neck,
The ticking clock of this physical garment,
And I know no harm will befall me.
Not one iota of my blood,
Nor hair upon my tear drenched face,
Or one last curse from out my mouth,
Would escape me if I never failed.
If I never floundered,
If I never threw myself from understanding,
Unto the shattered rocks below.
The heights of this transcendent
Feeling that I enjoy
With all my being,
Needing nothing more
Or less as I stand here,
Without myself.
If virtue was my compass,
And this Truth my only solace
I could live upon that mountain top,
Never descending to the valleys,
Having overcome the tribulation
That I call myself.

And so bulls subsided to their greener pastures.
And the sun succumbed to cool empathy.
And that tangled web of emotions and thoughts,
Suddenly faded down into a murmur of acceptance
I had never thought I would hear.
Who I am today was all that remained.

As the tears assisted me
In guiding my hands to my face
And tracing the subtle lines of
Many grimaces past,
And sarcastic gestures of the present.
A chance encounter with my lips,
Presented me with a confounded smile.
And so I grabbed it,
So hard that it hurt:
The last tangible tendril,
Of the soothing scriptures,
That then and there,
Had changed my life.

I have a furious soul.
But it is one that fuels me,
Draws me out into the world.
That pushes me so hard that muscles tear
In screaming fits of passion
That demand me to be aware.
This is the engine burning,
Turning, toiling, tearing,
Searching, growing, learning,
Changing, bringing strength
That I have too much of,
For those who need a shielding
Hand,
Or a gentle kiss.
I have a furious soul,
But I also have a calm and gentle hand
And inner peace.

Lighthouse

The lighthouse in the ocean.
Warning those about to pass into
Dangerous territory.
A stationary beacon,
For where you ought not be.
Waiting. Oh, I'm waiting.
For a crash to see.

I've been holding in the best of me
For a rainy day.
Saving all those happy memories
For the one who rang true.
But as I passed through these years
Living in the dark.
Suddenly the light is found.
Its found in you.

I never meant to make you,
My chance at normalcy.
I've been fighting off extremity,
With moderation.
Happiness begets itself.
Just as sadness does as well.
Sometimes you've gotta lie
To make it true.

So we plant the seedlings
In our souls,
And feed them with love.
In all those years I've been growing,
I've just been looking up.
Now I look down to see
What I had become.
Become startled at the sight
From where I've come.

So if you knew my story word for word,
Knew all my scars, bruises and scrapes.
Knew the strength a broken bone brings,
And the weakness being bent does.
If you knew the tears I cried,
And what I paid to cry them.
Then we could be.

So I tell each passing memory,
To all my destined friends.
Hoping to be guided,
To ones more then pretend.
I'm hoping against hope.
That in time I'll find you there.
But while I'm waiting,
I'll be my own light,
To guide you to me.

On the placid waters,
Of the calmness of my mind.
The raging torrent outside,
And the light to guide the blind.
I decided I could smile,
At the thought of being alone.
But I'm still hoping beyond hope,
That I can put down this light,
To live a tandem life.

Ahmad

I lived today with an inner calm I've never experienced before. The madness of the world was a dull background to the distinct silence of my soul. I hope now that I have found this place in myself I can return to it whenever I need to. The power of prayer never fails to amaze me. Ahmad had the words when I had none.

Hastam.
Chee degeh mekhay.
Soy.
Que mast quieres?
I am.
What more do you want?

Inner Peace

Inner Peace

In the evening of our dreams we discover the morning of reality.
And like all things,
We will blow across the expanses,
On the wings of a breath.
I am what I was.
I am what I am,
And I can be no more,
Then the entirety of my soul,
Yearning to be myself.
I have arisen, and now peace occupies this land.
It is neither vacant, nor baren, but --
But simply at unity with itself.
There is no civil war that
Wreaks havoc on the thoughts and hopes of my soul.
There is no wildfire to destroy and recreate.
Hastam.
Like iron wrought in the depths of internal damnation,
And cooled in the pools of infinite love.
I am.
And those that said:
"Jooneh man bah toh-eh."
I give you back your strength,
For I have found my own.
No circumstance,
And no pride.
Just truth, from out my soul was uttered.
Ahmad has given me words
Where I could not find my own.
And for that I am eternally grateful.

I was something.
I am something else.
I am, oh I am.
Isn't that just enough?
If I spent my soul on you,
Would that be enough.
If I laid my life,
Like rose petal carpets
Under a moonlit caress.
A kiss of wind reminding
Your warm embrace.
The times I left behind.

I've spent so much time
Realizing who I am.
Describing in words
What can't be decided.
Drawing pictures
Of tearful fits
Of love and joy.
Listening to the
Silent Earth
For advice on change.
Burning with the flame
To be born again.

Now that I know,
Who it was all along.
I realize I did it all wrong.
I did it all alone.
So I search frantically,
For whats been missing.
Friends dull the feelings,
But, when I look into your eyes,
I remember what I lost.
What I gave back to
The damp dark soil,
In exchange for my soul.

But I keep longing,
For that springtime love.
That perfect moment
Where I know I can
Be myself.
If you would take this
Young mans hand.
Lend him your heart,
You know you can.
In times of hope,
I often rhyme.
To ease the strain,
On my poor mind.
To think is to be false,
And falseness,
Is a facade of emotion.

Intent to Change

I wrote a memo to myself,
To describe who I should be.
I lost the memo in transit,
To the places I should see.
The starlit dinners,
And the tequila sunrises.
The heart-dropping girl,
With the pretty hair.
The years passed,
And so did she.
Came and went,
From sea to sea.
The names, they passed,
Like words in rhymes.
The shades of grey,
The gentle signs.
The changes there,
Within our minds.
The phases there,
Within our minds.
I once saw the world,
From the lens of self.
But I cast it out,
Disgusted by the clarity of single vision.
Now fractured,
Skewed,
Superglued,
And confounded.
I see not single, doubly, or even triply.
I see compound thoughts of colored faces.
Hopes, and loves, and hate of races.
Good and bad,
The inbetween.
The grey, the black,
The Red and Green.
And so time passed,
And so did I.
The heart break girl,
With the pretty eyes.
She came and went,
Or so it seems.
But I still see her in my dreams.
I lost that memo on a whim,
But did not know what pain began.
The growth, and change, and fluctuations.
To create this humbled,
This foolish station.
But what’s more foolish,
Then to be,
Loved, or not to be.

Rocks and Snow

Super Simple, as played at Bosch Bahai Club Weekend:

Rocks and Snow

I chose a path in life,
And wandered through it,
Passing left to right.
I saw the jagged sides,
And jumped right in,
To feel the pain inside.
I've walked the lowest lows,
To see the hate
And jealousy in man.
But now I walk on hallowed ground,
And in the silence,
I now understand.

I saw a bird descend,
From the heavens,
Holding in its hand:
The rock and snow,
Building life,
Wherever it did go.
But if the battle's lost,
Whats the point,
In all this human cost.
And if the battles lost,
Whats this anger,
Bitterness we've fought.

The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.


I've built a castle here,
And in time,
I saw it disappear.
I built a family here,
And in the violence,
We dispersed in fear.
I built a stable mind,
And through the anger,
I was not denied.
That in the lives we lead,
It is true,
That love is realized.

The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.

I placed a flower here,
To signify,
The ending of my fear.
The flower grew so large,
It took my life,
Because it thought it queer.
So if I startle you,
Building life,
Up through the years.
Know I love you so,
Have no fear,
Draw the flower near.

The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.

Not Damien Rice

She said:
Roll like a stone.
So I broke it up,
And threw it
Into the sea
To spin alone.
Learn what you want,
In the coldness
Of a poem.
Live a long life,
Rolling all alone.

And so she said:
Sink like a rock.
So I dove into the ocean,
And pieced together
All I lost.
Superglued together,
No way to make it to the top.
Be the leader not the follower,
Be the Sheppard not the flock.

Then she said:
Fly like a stone.
I said I'm not Damien Rice,
The name Pedram
I was born.
And so I took the rock
Smashed it,
Crushed it,
And made it my own.
Made concrete
Out of the triumph of soul.
Made the drum beat,
Out of a heart beating whole.
Hear this heart beat,
On

Times

Lifelines remind me of what came first.
Times try the truth,
Green thumbed youth.
Cause I'd rather be a sinner then a saint,
Cleaning my act,
Dreaming the state:
Where life is aligned,
And red blood declines.
Hope against hope,
Against hate,
Against life.
Forgiveness and self--
The sun and the moon.
The minds eye can see,
See through the typhoon.
Stop rhyming,
Start thinking.
The words are independent of your beat.
Independent of your thoughts--
They are the soul.
Inherent of self,
Inherent in body.
I drew a yellow sun upon my back,
To light the way for those behind me.
The steps are dangerous,
My ankles roll on visions of self.
Trip up my gait,
Slow down the pace.
But at the end of it all,
Apocalypse came.
We thus survived,
We live in the name.
Virtued perfection inherent in name.
That is the science,
That is our game.

Like a Bird

I have been wrong.
I have been wrong.
I have been weak.
I have been weak.
I have fallen.
I have fallen.
And I have been selfish,
So selfish.
So selfish.

The naivete pulls me away.
The naivete pulls me away.
But like a bird,
I may fly away.
But like a bird
I may fly away.
Fly away.

I have been anger.
I have been anger.
I have been ugly.
I have been ugly.
I have sinned.
I have sinned.
I have been righteous,
Self righteous.
Self righteous.

The naivete pulls me away.
The naivete pulls me away.
But like a bird,
I may fly away.
But like a bird
I may fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away. (Repeat as background)

I have been anger,
I have been hopeless,
I have sought thunder,
I have homeless,
I have been flawed,
I will be flawed,
I will be flawed,
I will be flawed,

Like a bird,
I may fly away.
Give me strength,
To match the pace.
Take me home,
Take me from this place.

Everything Means Nothing

The hardest thing in life is to forgive yourself.
The days and nights remember what you were instead.
The mirror reflects the memories,
Of what you were before.
The bed you sleep on,
Smells like the heretofore.

Tracing figure eights,
On the flat of the back.
Kisses gently pass
The day away.
Tears refresh the fear,
And the need for forgiveness.
The need to feel a union.
The need to not be alone.
Cause I've been digging alone,
For all these years.
I've been carving my coffin,
With all these fears.
I've been blotting out the sun,
From here till kingdom come.

Cause its the hardest thing in life
To give up someone.

Wandering

I've spent so much time wandering.
Looking to see,
Listening to hear,
Touching to feel.
Drawing circles on the ground,
And following them in my habit.
Constellations of thought,
So distant, yet,
Close enough to imagine.
Intellectually it all makes sense,
But... there was something missing.
Like the difference between
A dish you make,
And the way mom makes it.
The difference between a handshake,
And a hug.

So I've wandered,
Bereft and pursued disillusionment.
Thinking I could see life with my own eyes,
Feel love with my own heart,
And touch beauty with my own hands.
I came close.
So many times I pushed myself beyond my own understanding.
Pushed so hard that I forsake all else for the ideal.
Ripped the veils apart demanding,
I am man.
I am hope.
I am compassion.
So many times I've glimpsed what I was meant to be.
So many times I've heard the whispers of greatness.
And so many times I've fallen on my face.

The fact of being is,
We are not alone.
We are not independent.
No success is ours alone.
Whether it be Lord and Savior,
Or plain old mom and pops.
Sometimes roommates,
But often little sisters.
Pure force of will can only achieve so much.
Truth fullness provides the basis.
Humbleness provides the hope.
Love provides the motivation.

To say that I'm not wandering
Would be a lie.
But,
I would also be lying to say I have no
Truth,
Compassion,
Love,
Humility,
Frustration,
Sadness,
Pain,
Humanity.
They are all blessings for they remind us of our humanity.
Of our imperfections.

I once thought beauty was an ideal.
The ten out of ten can't exist.
Then I learned:
The beauty maybe what attracts you,
But the imperfections,
The demerits,
The scars,
The psychosis.
They are what keep you around.
The hope for a better future,
And the hope for an already perfect past.
I could be naught but what I am at this very moment.
Your reading or hearing this, you could also be naught but this.
And in these moments,
We taste the perfection of our imperfections.
I was wandering bereft.
Now, now I hike through the hills of insanity,
Comfortable inside my own skin,
Searching for another to share this with.

Even More

Concrete, breaking heat
Subtle smiles, more denial.
Deliverance,
Consequence,
Is this right?
Is it even time?
Flowers are,
Beautiful,
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.

Time slows, So it goes,
Silent whisper, Softly Kiss'r
Tracing circles
On your back,
I lost track,
Of who I even am.
Love is
Innocence,
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.

The Moon never glows
Like your smile does.
Like your smile does.
The Sun never shines,
Like the fire,
Burning in your eyes.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.

We fold, We mold,
We cry, We try.
The thunder,
The rain,
The fall,
The pain.
Hope is,
Mystical.
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.

The Moon never glows
Like your smile does.
Like your smile does.
The Sun, never shines,
Like the fire,
Burning in your eyes.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.

Twist me, Turn me,
Make me, Break me.
In time,
You'll find,
I live,
For your loving.
Love is,
Tenderness.
But what you are,
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.

Friendship

Sometimes the progress
Makes up for loneliness.
But sometimes,
Like a piece of your heart removed,
You sit confounded gasping.
Tearing, clawing, screaming,
Beating the walls for air.
Breathing but not breathing.
Speaking but not speaking.
Crying, oh your crying.
But the tears just won't flow.
As your face flushes red,
Your eyes grow vibrant,
And you flip your bangs away.
The things I never said,
Because of respect.
The things I never knew
Because of restraint.
Protection of a greater good.
Hopeful of the future,
But the future comes so slow.
And it's fucking torture,
As I sit and I stare.
But I'll keep on smiling,
Cause that's what I do best.
Shoulder the load,
And summon the ego.
That thing I forged to form
A future for myself.
The self assured truth
Of what I am,
And what I long to be.
Knowing myself in every step,
Knowing that sometimes,
Whats best for you
And what you want
Are different.

On the lakes of canada

This was written because of the song below and great conversation.




The seasons change,
And so will I.
I offer you my hand
As we walk and change
Our minds.
I see the distance
Become that which I feared.
Into each sober touch
I pour my soul.
Into the emptiness
Of vapid hands.
Mind the gap I've bridged and falters.
Tread lightly on that which I am.
And should it fall away
Know I never meant it that way.
I feel that I can change.
I know that you can change.
I love the way we were,
But love what we are now more.
Come back I won't be waiting,
For I have pushed forward,
And now we're racing to our finish lines.
Then there was one left.
And that one left.
And now we found we both can change.
Although we both see the setting sun,
We see it at different times,
As different souls.
So easily things fall apart.
So easily they come together.

For Katya

Son of Man

Who am I but a road.
Weathered and traveled.
Cracked and worn.
Through each town I go,
Seeing things to see.
Finding truth in love.
Finding truth in pain.
Finding humanity in humility.
Remembrance of who I might of been.
Who I have seen myself be:
On the outside looking in.
From dirt to pavement,
Cobblestone bruises.
The minds eyes sees things,
The heart's what chooses.
Mind over matter.
The body will pass,
I hold onto hunger,
I hold through the fast.
Rhyme upon rhyme,
Heaped up like promotions.
Take this and that,
Nic-Nac's and lotion.
Clutter feels nice,
But clarity is better.
I'd been so much further,
If not for the weather.
Summer sun wields me,
The surfer kids tan.
Soccer in sunshine.
Feet, grass, and white leather.
Check marks and checkmate,
Time beats down the stalemate.

The path that I was,
The road that I am.
The soul travels through it.
I run and I run.
My parents ran from Iran.
Through mountains and forests,
Through Snow through the land.
The treacherous faces,
Engulfed in the night.
Waiting for Sun,
Waiting for light.
Escape for a new life,
Escape for a son.
Escape for a daughter,
Escape from home.

And so like my parents,
I've tried this one out.
Strength of my mother,
Love of my father,
Trust of my sister,
Hope from a stranger.
To feel loved is to feel,
To feel needed is to love.
To travel this road,
To make it above,
And beyond that I was,
To make something better,
No matter my color,
No matter the weather.
No matter my feelings,
No matter my pain.
No matter I loose,
No matter I gain.
Repeat and repeat,
Refrain and Refrain,
Bridge through the song,
And so say His Name.
So that which I was,
And that which I am,
Are different,
But both are still,
The Son of Man.

Fall Away

Love is truth.
The growth and pain of our youth.
Cause I'm gonna get it with or without you.
Its all ok, cause love is smooth.

Hope is pain.
What can and is we try to move in vain.
What was and will be are the same.
So you can survive me with your name.

She said Fall Away.
I never knew what that meant anyway.
I never knew the words to say.
I'm lost without you everyday.

Passion lies.
The red resentment of my past lives.
Who I was before you often makes me cry.
Burn away the weakness there beyond the eyes.

She said Fall Away.
I never knew what that meant anyway.
I never knew the words to say.
I'm lost without you everyday.

She said fall away.
Innocence is something you cant fade.
All the pain and lies that you have made
Are just attempts at something love forgave.

She said said fall away.

Fall Away

"Every Wo(man)" From ABS

Look past my eyes to achieve second sight.
Constructs of mind that are not quite upright.
They are backwards and sideways and upside down.
The way a smile turns itself into a frown.
Insides and outwards.
Around but not found.
Its hard to describe words into sounds.
Try as we might, the world blazes in light.
The dark before dawn,
The thrill of the fight.
I was, so I am,
I think I can stand.
I crawl and I fall
Till I change all the land.
I was what I was,
I am what I am.
Hope is the solace--
A gift unto man.
The solid, the soul, the shadow, the mold.
Dust unto dust, unto triumph made whole.
My body is scarred,
But I must keep the pace.
The nicks, cuts and bruises,
The tests we must face.
The scars beget wisdom,
And so we erase
The violence of self,
Replaced in it's place
By unity, love, the whole human race.
So clad in white armor,
Scribed in the night.
Breaker of Dawn,
Black Banner in sight.
This warrior born,
This soldier of light.
Entry by troops,
Their hearts thunder,
Their might.

Now I open my eyes,
To see who they are.
Schoolyards and teachers,
Construction at large.
Blue collar, white collar, No collar at all.
Hunter or farmer,
The short and the tall.
A shiver in time,
Where the stars are aligned.
Think this one through,
But take action you'll find:
Our souls are evolving,
Our cups runneth full.
Chase off the raven,
The night is a tool.
Just as black can't exist without the presence of white.
Joy without sadness,
The same is with light.
The sun shines forever,
By light of the moon.
Celestial bodies,
The tides coming soon.
The trumpet did blast,
But the silence does soothe.
We now know our path,
So please make your move.
This triumph of soul.
The silence of bones.
The Letters were written-- Sun centered at noon.
Now some years later,
Their sons have arised.
Begat their daughters,
Their strength: Just and right.
The king loses sleep,
They sing through the night.
And just as they did,
If we get it just right.
O remover of difficulties,
We praise you tonight.

Unsure

If I was
Unsure,
About my life.
Unsure,
Cause problems lie
In between
Every scene.
The clarity
I fail to see.
Appeals,
To the strength
In me.

If I was,
Unsure,
About my sight.
Unsure,
Of the hazy right
And the wrongs
Of a life,
Built from darkness,
To the light,
Appeals,
To the Good
In me.

The moon beams,
Down into my dreams.
Burning through the dark,
The lady is my spark.
Motivation for a life,
That could waste away tonight.
Sure I am not unsure.

Though I may be strong,
I may be right.
I may be many things,
To bring the light.
I can be the everyman,
I can be the lonely knight.
If it all turns out alright.

If I was,
Unsure,
About my scars.
Unsure,
Fade away like stars.
The lonely every day,
Are the payments for a way.
Appeals,
To the soul
In me.

Cause I'm unsure,
About so much.
The color of my eyes,
My height,
My hair,
My touch.
The darkness can try,
To blot out the light.
But I'm sure
I can keep it up.
I am sure I can keep it up

Rambles

Rambles (keystyle)

Sweet, the silent science
Knows where art and love,
Duel endlessly.
The razors edge,
Defined in time,
In soul.
Laboriously,
Meticulously,
Callously I sometimes turn.
The words are said,
And sometimes burn.
Branded by the minds eye's scorn.

Like shoes on power lines,
They sometimes fall.
Much less I ask he finish his sentences.
Much else I ask he finish his sentences.
Sometimes I fixate, and never finish my sentences.
Sometimes the the power lines fall,
And then the silence of that science becomes,
All encompassing.
The stars may only shine,
In the absence of man made
Illusions of what we call light.
As if light was something turned on and off.
As if off had any meaning at all.
And as if the stars were defeated by our
Petty attempts at playing the compassionate,
The immaculate,
The Lord and Savior.

Like shoes on power lines,
They all fall down.
And so we fall,
Through the history of our lives.
See the callouses form.
See the form more intimately.
See my imperfections for what they are:
Neon flashing lights of some past
Monumental outcomes.
Scars and such.
Things I've written,
And fear no more.
But still I'm writing.

Trapped underneath a waterfall,
All rocks become smooth.
And in the thunder of a pure and crushing
Eternity,
All are cleansed.
Together,
We all become whole.

Home is where your soul rests // Water After Midnight

Its the first time in quite a while I have spent more then two consecutive days at my parents house. It's oddly comforting, and at the same time just an odd sensation for me. I have absolutely nothing I have to do. That isn't to say i do nothing, but more to say that I have a lot of free time, and thats an odd sensation for me. Even now I have to fight the feelings of anxiousness and urges to do something in order to just calm my soul and mind down.

I just have to admit, I have spent the past two or three years of my life calming my mind and soul down. Calming the chaos of emotions that have been the past ten or so years of my life down to something where I could actually understand it. If anyone had asked me how I felt about something even two years ago my response would be confused and constipated. Kind of like molten iron splashing around, it was impossible to control or even understand. However now, now I feel like its cooled to something malleable, something comprehendable. All of a sudden, I found out what momentous events throughout my life have meant to me. Furthermore, I am coming to terms with the effects of those emotions.

Kind of heavy eh? Nonetheless, its funny how even the simplest things, like hanging out with your family for the first time in a long time, can have such a significant impact on your life and on the way you see yourself. I love my family.

Anyways, I'm going to try to write something about home, and we'll see how it comes out :).

Water After Midnight

Familiar landscapes greet me from my dreams.
The glasses: new, but in the same place.
The kitchen bathed in moonlight,
Reminds me of past battlefields.
Simple arguments
For simple problems.
The cold water,
Cools my stormy interior.
The north star guides my
Midnight prayers.
Complex answers
For complex questions.

The squeaky hallway
No longer squeaks.
The puppy no longer wakens,
To my every toss and turn.
The floors no longer soften,
The stiffness of my swagger,
Or my heavy step.
No matter,
For my silence is learned
By simple repetition.
A silent observer,
Of what I call home.
A simple reminder,
Of what I call home.

Island of Self, Ocean of All

So when I write anything I write, correct, rewrite, and generally rinse and repeat until i feel comfortable with what I have written. This thing is pretty much at stage one, no corrections. I don't even know why I made some of the references i made here, but I do know the general reason for the writing, so i guess thats enough.

On the island of the self,
Within the forest of the mind,
Through the tunnel of delusion,
Into the den of human kind.
Where our mother sings
Our true intentions,
And we bring,
Our false predictions,
Of our hopes,
And predilections.
Of our thoughts
Of dereliction,
As we scribe
Our new intentions.
As we ride into that forest.
As we ride.
As we ride.

Through the tunnels twisting time,
Where every path is so unkind.
Where every path does so in kind,
Reveal the paths to cleanse the mind,
To cleanse our hopes,
To cleanse our time,
From predation of sensual kind,
To intention, iron of line.
And so this burning,
Churning, Chaos,
Yearning to destroy this new self,
Seems justified in doing itself,
Into oblivion.
And yet, the iron is unbroken.
Yet the iron is unbroken.
Yet the iron, Yet the iron.
Stands there, with no river crossing token.

At the forest crossing,
Two men, belligerent,
And so discussing,
Which sign upon the crossing,
Was so heaven sent.
One man said to the other,
"If we had but just another,"
"Heaven sent sign for my mother,
"Then I could beleive."
The other sat there thinking,
His eyes were barely blinking,
But in his pupils I could see
The confusion he did mask.
And then he did but reply,
"If faith was something one did prove,"
"Then science would in every move,"
"Draw closer to the human mood"
"And drive us to our savior."
"But as it is,"
"Or as it was,"
"The thing of science,"
"Proves just because"
"It chooses some delineation"
"For this great and large creation."
"And so my friend,"
"I cast thee out,"
"And take my path,"
"On faith without,"
"The need of proof,"
"Or science,"
"Or what thee needs."
And as I did follow,
This man through dark and hollow,
I did understand his mind,
Or so I hoped.
And through the darkness,
We emerged,
Unscathed,
And unobserved.
And we parted company.

Who he was,
Who will he be?
As he sojourned
To the sea,
To see the islands of the world,
And share his
Human truth.

I wish I was John Mayer

So the past week has been semi-hectic with school stuff, financial aid stuff, and people stuff going on, however I don't feel the need to talk about those things because, well, they get taken care of and we move on. It is far more poignant to talk about how rediculously amazing John Mayer was at the Sleep train on Friday.

Let me preface this by explaining, I was not a John Mayer fan. I was not especially interested in going other then the good company and chill music I had expected. I now must admit John Mayer is the man, and if you don't believe me, see him live and think differently.

So Mayer played his big songs like Why Georgia, No such thing etc, but the rest of the hour and a half set was him playing blues and blue grass style stuff with his awesome band. He played electric, acoustic, and electric acoustic, not to mention, he did it all amazingly well. His guitar solo's were really well done, and really just a blast to watch and listen to. This was a side of his music I had never heard about, but hope to see / hear more of. Anyways, time to make it to class, I will see if I can post links to the pictures, but if you really want to see them, go to Camilia's facebook and you'll find them.

Are you happy with yourself?

Learning to be happy and enjoy free time is an important skill, and one I'm just now mastering. Kind of funny that I'm 22 and still mastering simple things like having free time. Nonetheless, I was listening to this amazing song and I felt the need to share it. The lyrics are kind of odd, but the sound of the song is amazing. Its called Put The Book Back On The Shelf by BELLE & SEBASTIAN. They pretty much rock even though their not my scene (but when have I ever not liked something because it wasn't my scene?)

Anyways, enjoy it below, and even more below (if I feel obliged) there may be some more rocks and snow :).



I placed a flower here,
To signify,
The ending of my fear.
The flower grew so large,
It took my life,
Because it thought it queer.
So if I startle you,
Building life,
Up through the years.
Know I love you so,
Have no fear,
Draw the flower near.

Rock and Snow

Work in progress....

Rocks and Snow

I chose a path in life,
And wandered through it,
Passing left to right.
I saw the jagged sides,
And jumped right in,
To feel the pain inside.
I've walked the lowest lows,
To see the hate
And jealousy in man.
But now I walk on hallowed ground,
And in the silence,
I now understand.

I saw a bird descend,
From the heavens,
Holding in its hand:
The rock and snow,
Building life,
Wherever it did go.
But if the battle's lost,
Whats the point,
In all this human cost.
And if the battles lost,
Whats this anger,
Bitterness we've fought.

The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.


I've built a castle here,
And in time,
I saw it disappear.
I built a family here,
And in the violence,
We dispersed in fear.
I built a stable mind,
And through the anger,
I had realized.
That in the lives we lead,
Theres more to life,
Then physical deeds.

Islands of Self

From the fire of a chaotic heart,
An iron mind was forged.
And from peach of the soul,
The iron was cooled.
Now as the gauntlet,
Has been tossed down.
The man has picked it up,
With the intention to carry it.
The solitude of self,
And the island of a body are worrisome,
And the weight of these thoughts
often prove cumbersome.
But I appeal to a sense of motive,
A sense of desire,
And with desire,
A destination is set.

I've been a bad boy

I haven't posted in a while, and I have an interview in a bit, but need to kill time so I figure I should talk about the name of this blog and why it is what it is.

Talk to Strangers is a Saul Williams spoken word / song, that at it's essence embodies a lot of what I do with my life. Here it is, and then I'll explain.

Now i wasn’t raised at gunpoint
And i’ve read too many books
To distract me from the mirror
When unhappy with my looks
And i ain’t got proper diction
For the makings of a thug
Though i grew up in the ghetto
And my niggers all sold drugs,
And though that may validate me
For a spot on mtv
And give me all the airplay
That my bank account would need,
I was hoping to invest in
A lesson that i learned
I thought this fool had jumped me
Just because it was my turn.
I went to an open space
Because i knew he wouldn’t do it
If somebody there could see him
Or somebody else might prove it,
And maybe in your eyes
It may seem i got punked out
Because i walked in their own path
And then went and changed my route.
But that open-ness exposed me
To a truth i couldn’t find
In the clenched fists of my ego
Or the confines of my mind
Or the hip-ness of my swagger,
Or the swagger of my step,
The scowl of my grimace,
Or the mean-ness of my rap.
Because we represent a truth son,
That changes by the hour,
And when you open to it,
For nobility is power,
In that shifting form you’ll find a truth that doesn’t change
And that truth is living proof of the fact that god is strange…

Talk to strangers
When the family fails and friends led you astray
And buddah laughs and jesus weeps and turns out god is gay.
As angels in disguise love can come in many forms,
The hallways of your projects or the fat girl in your dorm,
And when you finally take the time to see what they’re about
Perhaps you find they’re lonely or their wisdom trips you out.

Maybe you’ll find the cycles end
Right back where you began,
But come this time around
You’ll have someone to hold your hand,
Who prays for you who is there for you
Who sends you love and light,
Exposes you to parts of you
That you once tried to fight.
And come this time around
You choose to walk a different path,
You’ll embrace what you turned away
And cry at what you laughed,
Because that’s the only way
We’re going to make it through this storm,
Where ignorance is common sense
And senseless is the norm.
Infact we’re high above the truth
And that you never touch,
And stolen goods are overpriced
And freedom costs too much,
And no-one seems to recognise
The symbols come to life,
The bitten apple on the screen
And jesus had a wife,
And she was his messiah
Like that stranger may be yours,
Who holds a subtle knife
That carves through worlds
Like magic doors,
And that’s what i’ve been looking for,
The bridge from then to now,
Just watching b.e.t like what the fuck son,
This is foul
But that’s where [boston?] represents
This fear that we live in,
The world is not a flat screen
I ain’t trying to fit in.
But this ain’t for the underground
This here is for the sun.
A seed a stranger gave to me
And planted on my tongue.
And when i look at you,
I know i’m not the only one.
As a great man once said,
There’s nothing more powerful
Than an idea
Who’s time
Has come.

Obviously this spoken word has some different interpretations in some places. Further, some people might see a few words of profanity, or a line like " God is strange" and shy away from it, or think it blasphemous. Personally, I see the message as: This is your shot at life, and your weakest when your alone. Who knows who will change you, who can save you, who can make you your best. Your only chance is to shed who "you were" before, embrace that vulnerability, and attack this idea that all can be your friends, and all can influence you in ways you never would have thought with such force that you can't go back.

It's a song about change, and really thats why I have this blog. I keep my writing and my journals so that I can come back to them to see where I was in life and see how I change. Without our pasts, we can never know where we truly are as people. An analogous situation: we can never know who we can be, if we don't see the change we have gone through in the past. Now this may or may not be true, but maybe you will think about sitting next to the random person on the bus, or at the cafeteria next time your around and talking to them. Who knows, maybe you will make a friend that changes you in ways you would have never expected. Worse case scenario: you provide support for someone to change.

Food for thought :).

So I'll post some writing tonight after class...

Faux dark

I should really sleep right now, but I am devoted to writing everyday, so this is a key style stream of consciousness (kind of weird how my consciousness rhymes, haha) that pretty much begs the question: What is the use of a nightmare if we can't figure out what we are afraid of in the nightmare? If we cant understand our motives in life, what is the point to our actions? Motive in life is everything.

Go Back to Sleep

In times so dark the truth within
Is clouded by the heart and whim.
In love and life,
With smiles we grin.
But then those demons
Let us in.
The ways we were
And thus have been.
The faces delve
To minds that thin
Then deepen to a ocean cove.
We're stuck without the waves and wind.
And as the silence is no token,
Leave my fear, there unbroken.
Mind lies smote and on the floor.
My thoughts lie spinning,
The reason goes.
And in the interim it seems
It was all but just a dream.
But if I cannot see the truth,
Then was it all of any use?

Obviously dreams don't have to have mean, but I like to think they do. I like to think that aspects of our humanity are too often set aside for new fangled fads and fun. We used to beleive our dreams and nightmares might have some correlation to the things we thought subconsciously (I for one still do), but now, its just a bad dream go back to sleep.

Never Bored

This one is pretty much finished. Similiar subject matter to the one before, but a lot more idealized, but more importantly, has a lot more of me in it. The male figure in the song is pretty much me... minus the getting fired and talking back part... haha.

Never Bored (Title is tentative)

The wind blows,
Leaves into the house,
Again, Again.
The grass grows,
Up over my knees,
Again, Again.
The sun fades,
Lines into the floor,
Again, Again ooh again.

The wind will blow,
The grass will grow,
The sun will shine,
But your still mine. (2x)

I'll talk back,
To my stupid boss,
Again, Again.
I'll get fired,
From this crappy job,
Again, Again.
I get tired,
Of this run around,
Again, Again, oh again.

I'll talk back,
I'll get sacked,
I'll get bored,
I'm still yours.

The sink breaks,
And floods the house,
Again, Again.
The kids track,
Mud into our bed,
Again, Again.
The dog eats,
Your dress shoes,
Again, Again... oh again.

The house will flood,
The kids track mud,
The dog eats shoes,
I'll make it up to you.

The wind will blow,
The grass will grow,
The sun will shine,
But your still mine.

I'll talk back,
I'll get sacked,
I'll get bored,
But never bored with you...

Breath Slow

This is a song that has been in the works with farid-joon for a while now. It's been completely revamped and needs a good hard once or twice over. Otherwise, I like the idea a lot. The kind of unintentional love we sometimes find ourselves with, and really our inability to do anything about it. It ends up with the two characters making it through and seeing exactly what it is they've created.

Breath Slow

The nervous girl with pretty eyes,
The quiet one who never tries.
She smiles a lot but only for,
The ones she lets get through the door.
Hope and time so intertwined,
The love she lets break down her mind.
A slide to left and fall to right.
She'll cry for me through out the night.

So breath slow ---
Too much seems to overload.
Breath slow ---
It doesn't matter where we go.

Some of this and some of that.
Show me where your truly at.
A masquerade: the sun today.
Pretense to the darker days.
This holy war so hard was fought.
To show the truth we thought we sought.
And slowly as her tears do pour
I understand her hopes and so...

Breath slow---
Too much seems to overload.
Breath slow---
It doesnt matter where we go.
(B: Backup)

B: So save her
I can't even save myself from her.
B: So praise her
What could I even say?
B: So where from now?
Now that I've faller for her?
Now that I've fallen for her?
Fallen for her?

If I am strong and I am right.
If we can make it through the night.
It doesn't matter how or why.
Or what we were inside the light.
The dead can rise and so can we,
Past the mountains and the sea.
To see ourselves for what we are,
To see the love thats come so far.

So breath slow---
Love is what were fighting for.
So breath slow---
It doesnt matter where we go.

New Blog

So I have blogged a lot in my past for various reasons, and I came to the conclusion (with everyone else starting blogs) that I should pick one up as a place to keep some of my writing. Unfortunately I lost one of my writing notebooks recently, and if you know me, I take really good care of my things, so I was kind of down about that.

Anyways, off to my Philosophy of Religion class followed by Orbital Mechanics! yah rock!

Hahaha.