I lived today with an inner calm I've never experienced before. The madness of the world was a dull background to the distinct silence of my soul. I hope now that I have found this place in myself I can return to it whenever I need to. The power of prayer never fails to amaze me. Ahmad had the words when I had none.
Hastam.
Chee degeh mekhay.
Soy.
Que mast quieres?
I am.
What more do you want?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Inner Peace
Inner Peace
In the evening of our dreams we discover the morning of reality.
And like all things,
We will blow across the expanses,
On the wings of a breath.
I am what I was.
I am what I am,
And I can be no more,
Then the entirety of my soul,
Yearning to be myself.
I have arisen, and now peace occupies this land.
It is neither vacant, nor baren, but --
But simply at unity with itself.
There is no civil war that
Wreaks havoc on the thoughts and hopes of my soul.
There is no wildfire to destroy and recreate.
Hastam.
Like iron wrought in the depths of internal damnation,
And cooled in the pools of infinite love.
I am.
And those that said:
"Jooneh man bah toh-eh."
I give you back your strength,
For I have found my own.
No circumstance,
And no pride.
Just truth, from out my soul was uttered.
Ahmad has given me words
Where I could not find my own.
And for that I am eternally grateful.
In the evening of our dreams we discover the morning of reality.
And like all things,
We will blow across the expanses,
On the wings of a breath.
I am what I was.
I am what I am,
And I can be no more,
Then the entirety of my soul,
Yearning to be myself.
I have arisen, and now peace occupies this land.
It is neither vacant, nor baren, but --
But simply at unity with itself.
There is no civil war that
Wreaks havoc on the thoughts and hopes of my soul.
There is no wildfire to destroy and recreate.
Hastam.
Like iron wrought in the depths of internal damnation,
And cooled in the pools of infinite love.
I am.
And those that said:
"Jooneh man bah toh-eh."
I give you back your strength,
For I have found my own.
No circumstance,
And no pride.
Just truth, from out my soul was uttered.
Ahmad has given me words
Where I could not find my own.
And for that I am eternally grateful.
I was something.
I am something else.
I am, oh I am.
Isn't that just enough?
If I spent my soul on you,
Would that be enough.
If I laid my life,
Like rose petal carpets
Under a moonlit caress.
A kiss of wind reminding
Your warm embrace.
The times I left behind.
I've spent so much time
Realizing who I am.
Describing in words
What can't be decided.
Drawing pictures
Of tearful fits
Of love and joy.
Listening to the
Silent Earth
For advice on change.
Burning with the flame
To be born again.
Now that I know,
Who it was all along.
I realize I did it all wrong.
I did it all alone.
So I search frantically,
For whats been missing.
Friends dull the feelings,
But, when I look into your eyes,
I remember what I lost.
What I gave back to
The damp dark soil,
In exchange for my soul.
But I keep longing,
For that springtime love.
That perfect moment
Where I know I can
Be myself.
If you would take this
Young mans hand.
Lend him your heart,
You know you can.
In times of hope,
I often rhyme.
To ease the strain,
On my poor mind.
To think is to be false,
And falseness,
Is a facade of emotion.
I am something else.
I am, oh I am.
Isn't that just enough?
If I spent my soul on you,
Would that be enough.
If I laid my life,
Like rose petal carpets
Under a moonlit caress.
A kiss of wind reminding
Your warm embrace.
The times I left behind.
I've spent so much time
Realizing who I am.
Describing in words
What can't be decided.
Drawing pictures
Of tearful fits
Of love and joy.
Listening to the
Silent Earth
For advice on change.
Burning with the flame
To be born again.
Now that I know,
Who it was all along.
I realize I did it all wrong.
I did it all alone.
So I search frantically,
For whats been missing.
Friends dull the feelings,
But, when I look into your eyes,
I remember what I lost.
What I gave back to
The damp dark soil,
In exchange for my soul.
But I keep longing,
For that springtime love.
That perfect moment
Where I know I can
Be myself.
If you would take this
Young mans hand.
Lend him your heart,
You know you can.
In times of hope,
I often rhyme.
To ease the strain,
On my poor mind.
To think is to be false,
And falseness,
Is a facade of emotion.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Intent to Change
I wrote a memo to myself,
To describe who I should be.
I lost the memo in transit,
To the places I should see.
The starlit dinners,
And the tequila sunrises.
The heart-dropping girl,
With the pretty hair.
The years passed,
And so did she.
Came and went,
From sea to sea.
The names, they passed,
Like words in rhymes.
The shades of grey,
The gentle signs.
The changes there,
Within our minds.
The phases there,
Within our minds.
I once saw the world,
From the lens of self.
But I cast it out,
Disgusted by the clarity of single vision.
Now fractured,
Skewed,
Superglued,
And confounded.
I see not single, doubly, or even triply.
I see compound thoughts of colored faces.
Hopes, and loves, and hate of races.
Good and bad,
The inbetween.
The grey, the black,
The Red and Green.
And so time passed,
And so did I.
The heart break girl,
With the pretty eyes.
She came and went,
Or so it seems.
But I still see her in my dreams.
I lost that memo on a whim,
But did not know what pain began.
The growth, and change, and fluctuations.
To create this humbled,
This foolish station.
But what’s more foolish,
Then to be,
Loved, or not to be.
To describe who I should be.
I lost the memo in transit,
To the places I should see.
The starlit dinners,
And the tequila sunrises.
The heart-dropping girl,
With the pretty hair.
The years passed,
And so did she.
Came and went,
From sea to sea.
The names, they passed,
Like words in rhymes.
The shades of grey,
The gentle signs.
The changes there,
Within our minds.
The phases there,
Within our minds.
I once saw the world,
From the lens of self.
But I cast it out,
Disgusted by the clarity of single vision.
Now fractured,
Skewed,
Superglued,
And confounded.
I see not single, doubly, or even triply.
I see compound thoughts of colored faces.
Hopes, and loves, and hate of races.
Good and bad,
The inbetween.
The grey, the black,
The Red and Green.
And so time passed,
And so did I.
The heart break girl,
With the pretty eyes.
She came and went,
Or so it seems.
But I still see her in my dreams.
I lost that memo on a whim,
But did not know what pain began.
The growth, and change, and fluctuations.
To create this humbled,
This foolish station.
But what’s more foolish,
Then to be,
Loved, or not to be.
Rocks and Snow
Super Simple, as played at Bosch Bahai Club Weekend:
Rocks and Snow
I chose a path in life,
And wandered through it,
Passing left to right.
I saw the jagged sides,
And jumped right in,
To feel the pain inside.
I've walked the lowest lows,
To see the hate
And jealousy in man.
But now I walk on hallowed ground,
And in the silence,
I now understand.
I saw a bird descend,
From the heavens,
Holding in its hand:
The rock and snow,
Building life,
Wherever it did go.
But if the battle's lost,
Whats the point,
In all this human cost.
And if the battles lost,
Whats this anger,
Bitterness we've fought.
The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.
I've built a castle here,
And in time,
I saw it disappear.
I built a family here,
And in the violence,
We dispersed in fear.
I built a stable mind,
And through the anger,
I was not denied.
That in the lives we lead,
It is true,
That love is realized.
The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.
I placed a flower here,
To signify,
The ending of my fear.
The flower grew so large,
It took my life,
Because it thought it queer.
So if I startle you,
Building life,
Up through the years.
Know I love you so,
Have no fear,
Draw the flower near.
The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.
Rocks and Snow
I chose a path in life,
And wandered through it,
Passing left to right.
I saw the jagged sides,
And jumped right in,
To feel the pain inside.
I've walked the lowest lows,
To see the hate
And jealousy in man.
But now I walk on hallowed ground,
And in the silence,
I now understand.
I saw a bird descend,
From the heavens,
Holding in its hand:
The rock and snow,
Building life,
Wherever it did go.
But if the battle's lost,
Whats the point,
In all this human cost.
And if the battles lost,
Whats this anger,
Bitterness we've fought.
The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.
I've built a castle here,
And in time,
I saw it disappear.
I built a family here,
And in the violence,
We dispersed in fear.
I built a stable mind,
And through the anger,
I was not denied.
That in the lives we lead,
It is true,
That love is realized.
The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.
I placed a flower here,
To signify,
The ending of my fear.
The flower grew so large,
It took my life,
Because it thought it queer.
So if I startle you,
Building life,
Up through the years.
Know I love you so,
Have no fear,
Draw the flower near.
The rocks and snow my dear,
Dont ask when, and if they'll disappear.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Not Damien Rice
She said:
Roll like a stone.
So I broke it up,
And threw it
Into the sea
To spin alone.
Learn what you want,
In the coldness
Of a poem.
Live a long life,
Rolling all alone.
And so she said:
Sink like a rock.
So I dove into the ocean,
And pieced together
All I lost.
Superglued together,
No way to make it to the top.
Be the leader not the follower,
Be the Sheppard not the flock.
Then she said:
Fly like a stone.
I said I'm not Damien Rice,
The name Pedram
I was born.
And so I took the rock
Smashed it,
Crushed it,
And made it my own.
Made concrete
Out of the triumph of soul.
Made the drum beat,
Out of a heart beating whole.
Hear this heart beat,
On
Roll like a stone.
So I broke it up,
And threw it
Into the sea
To spin alone.
Learn what you want,
In the coldness
Of a poem.
Live a long life,
Rolling all alone.
And so she said:
Sink like a rock.
So I dove into the ocean,
And pieced together
All I lost.
Superglued together,
No way to make it to the top.
Be the leader not the follower,
Be the Sheppard not the flock.
Then she said:
Fly like a stone.
I said I'm not Damien Rice,
The name Pedram
I was born.
And so I took the rock
Smashed it,
Crushed it,
And made it my own.
Made concrete
Out of the triumph of soul.
Made the drum beat,
Out of a heart beating whole.
Hear this heart beat,
On
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Times
Lifelines remind me of what came first.
Times try the truth,
Green thumbed youth.
Cause I'd rather be a sinner then a saint,
Cleaning my act,
Dreaming the state:
Where life is aligned,
And red blood declines.
Hope against hope,
Against hate,
Against life.
Forgiveness and self--
The sun and the moon.
The minds eye can see,
See through the typhoon.
Stop rhyming,
Start thinking.
The words are independent of your beat.
Independent of your thoughts--
They are the soul.
Inherent of self,
Inherent in body.
I drew a yellow sun upon my back,
To light the way for those behind me.
The steps are dangerous,
My ankles roll on visions of self.
Trip up my gait,
Slow down the pace.
But at the end of it all,
Apocalypse came.
We thus survived,
We live in the name.
Virtued perfection inherent in name.
That is the science,
That is our game.
Times try the truth,
Green thumbed youth.
Cause I'd rather be a sinner then a saint,
Cleaning my act,
Dreaming the state:
Where life is aligned,
And red blood declines.
Hope against hope,
Against hate,
Against life.
Forgiveness and self--
The sun and the moon.
The minds eye can see,
See through the typhoon.
Stop rhyming,
Start thinking.
The words are independent of your beat.
Independent of your thoughts--
They are the soul.
Inherent of self,
Inherent in body.
I drew a yellow sun upon my back,
To light the way for those behind me.
The steps are dangerous,
My ankles roll on visions of self.
Trip up my gait,
Slow down the pace.
But at the end of it all,
Apocalypse came.
We thus survived,
We live in the name.
Virtued perfection inherent in name.
That is the science,
That is our game.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Like a Bird
I have been wrong.
I have been wrong.
I have been weak.
I have been weak.
I have fallen.
I have fallen.
And I have been selfish,
So selfish.
So selfish.
The naivete pulls me away.
The naivete pulls me away.
But like a bird,
I may fly away.
But like a bird
I may fly away.
Fly away.
I have been anger.
I have been anger.
I have been ugly.
I have been ugly.
I have sinned.
I have sinned.
I have been righteous,
Self righteous.
Self righteous.
The naivete pulls me away.
The naivete pulls me away.
But like a bird,
I may fly away.
But like a bird
I may fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away.
Fly away. (Repeat as background)
I have been anger,
I have been hopeless,
I have sought thunder,
I have homeless,
I have been flawed,
I will be flawed,
I will be flawed,
I will be flawed,
Like a bird,
I may fly away.
Give me strength,
To match the pace.
Take me home,
Take me from this place.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Everything Means Nothing
The hardest thing in life is to forgive yourself.
The days and nights remember what you were instead.
The mirror reflects the memories,
Of what you were before.
The bed you sleep on,
Smells like the heretofore.
Tracing figure eights,
On the flat of the back.
Kisses gently pass
The day away.
Tears refresh the fear,
And the need for forgiveness.
The need to feel a union.
The need to not be alone.
Cause I've been digging alone,
For all these years.
I've been carving my coffin,
With all these fears.
I've been blotting out the sun,
From here till kingdom come.
Cause its the hardest thing in life
To give up someone.
The days and nights remember what you were instead.
The mirror reflects the memories,
Of what you were before.
The bed you sleep on,
Smells like the heretofore.
Tracing figure eights,
On the flat of the back.
Kisses gently pass
The day away.
Tears refresh the fear,
And the need for forgiveness.
The need to feel a union.
The need to not be alone.
Cause I've been digging alone,
For all these years.
I've been carving my coffin,
With all these fears.
I've been blotting out the sun,
From here till kingdom come.
Cause its the hardest thing in life
To give up someone.
Wandering
I've spent so much time wandering.
Looking to see,
Listening to hear,
Touching to feel.
Drawing circles on the ground,
And following them in my habit.
Constellations of thought,
So distant, yet,
Close enough to imagine.
Intellectually it all makes sense,
But... there was something missing.
Like the difference between
A dish you make,
And the way mom makes it.
The difference between a handshake,
And a hug.
So I've wandered,
Bereft and pursued disillusionment.
Thinking I could see life with my own eyes,
Feel love with my own heart,
And touch beauty with my own hands.
I came close.
So many times I pushed myself beyond my own understanding.
Pushed so hard that I forsake all else for the ideal.
Ripped the veils apart demanding,
I am man.
I am hope.
I am compassion.
So many times I've glimpsed what I was meant to be.
So many times I've heard the whispers of greatness.
And so many times I've fallen on my face.
The fact of being is,
We are not alone.
We are not independent.
No success is ours alone.
Whether it be Lord and Savior,
Or plain old mom and pops.
Sometimes roommates,
But often little sisters.
Pure force of will can only achieve so much.
Truth fullness provides the basis.
Humbleness provides the hope.
Love provides the motivation.
To say that I'm not wandering
Would be a lie.
But,
I would also be lying to say I have no
Truth,
Compassion,
Love,
Humility,
Frustration,
Sadness,
Pain,
Humanity.
They are all blessings for they remind us of our humanity.
Of our imperfections.
I once thought beauty was an ideal.
The ten out of ten can't exist.
Then I learned:
The beauty maybe what attracts you,
But the imperfections,
The demerits,
The scars,
The psychosis.
They are what keep you around.
The hope for a better future,
And the hope for an already perfect past.
I could be naught but what I am at this very moment.
Your reading or hearing this, you could also be naught but this.
And in these moments,
We taste the perfection of our imperfections.
I was wandering bereft.
Now, now I hike through the hills of insanity,
Comfortable inside my own skin,
Searching for another to share this with.
Looking to see,
Listening to hear,
Touching to feel.
Drawing circles on the ground,
And following them in my habit.
Constellations of thought,
So distant, yet,
Close enough to imagine.
Intellectually it all makes sense,
But... there was something missing.
Like the difference between
A dish you make,
And the way mom makes it.
The difference between a handshake,
And a hug.
So I've wandered,
Bereft and pursued disillusionment.
Thinking I could see life with my own eyes,
Feel love with my own heart,
And touch beauty with my own hands.
I came close.
So many times I pushed myself beyond my own understanding.
Pushed so hard that I forsake all else for the ideal.
Ripped the veils apart demanding,
I am man.
I am hope.
I am compassion.
So many times I've glimpsed what I was meant to be.
So many times I've heard the whispers of greatness.
And so many times I've fallen on my face.
The fact of being is,
We are not alone.
We are not independent.
No success is ours alone.
Whether it be Lord and Savior,
Or plain old mom and pops.
Sometimes roommates,
But often little sisters.
Pure force of will can only achieve so much.
Truth fullness provides the basis.
Humbleness provides the hope.
Love provides the motivation.
To say that I'm not wandering
Would be a lie.
But,
I would also be lying to say I have no
Truth,
Compassion,
Love,
Humility,
Frustration,
Sadness,
Pain,
Humanity.
They are all blessings for they remind us of our humanity.
Of our imperfections.
I once thought beauty was an ideal.
The ten out of ten can't exist.
Then I learned:
The beauty maybe what attracts you,
But the imperfections,
The demerits,
The scars,
The psychosis.
They are what keep you around.
The hope for a better future,
And the hope for an already perfect past.
I could be naught but what I am at this very moment.
Your reading or hearing this, you could also be naught but this.
And in these moments,
We taste the perfection of our imperfections.
I was wandering bereft.
Now, now I hike through the hills of insanity,
Comfortable inside my own skin,
Searching for another to share this with.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Even More
Concrete, breaking heat
Subtle smiles, more denial.
Deliverance,
Consequence,
Is this right?
Is it even time?
Flowers are,
Beautiful,
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
Time slows, So it goes,
Silent whisper, Softly Kiss'r
Tracing circles
On your back,
I lost track,
Of who I even am.
Love is
Innocence,
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
The Moon never glows
Like your smile does.
Like your smile does.
The Sun never shines,
Like the fire,
Burning in your eyes.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
We fold, We mold,
We cry, We try.
The thunder,
The rain,
The fall,
The pain.
Hope is,
Mystical.
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
The Moon never glows
Like your smile does.
Like your smile does.
The Sun, never shines,
Like the fire,
Burning in your eyes.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Twist me, Turn me,
Make me, Break me.
In time,
You'll find,
I live,
For your loving.
Love is,
Tenderness.
But what you are,
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
Subtle smiles, more denial.
Deliverance,
Consequence,
Is this right?
Is it even time?
Flowers are,
Beautiful,
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
Time slows, So it goes,
Silent whisper, Softly Kiss'r
Tracing circles
On your back,
I lost track,
Of who I even am.
Love is
Innocence,
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
The Moon never glows
Like your smile does.
Like your smile does.
The Sun never shines,
Like the fire,
Burning in your eyes.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
We fold, We mold,
We cry, We try.
The thunder,
The rain,
The fall,
The pain.
Hope is,
Mystical.
But what you are
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
The Moon never glows
Like your smile does.
Like your smile does.
The Sun, never shines,
Like the fire,
Burning in your eyes.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Is this, glorified,
Suicide.
I'm not even sure.
Twist me, Turn me,
Make me, Break me.
In time,
You'll find,
I live,
For your loving.
Love is,
Tenderness.
But what you are,
You are even more.
What you are
What you are
What you are
You are even more.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friendship
Sometimes the progress
Makes up for loneliness.
But sometimes,
Like a piece of your heart removed,
You sit confounded gasping.
Tearing, clawing, screaming,
Beating the walls for air.
Breathing but not breathing.
Speaking but not speaking.
Crying, oh your crying.
But the tears just won't flow.
As your face flushes red,
Your eyes grow vibrant,
And you flip your bangs away.
The things I never said,
Because of respect.
The things I never knew
Because of restraint.
Protection of a greater good.
Hopeful of the future,
But the future comes so slow.
And it's fucking torture,
As I sit and I stare.
But I'll keep on smiling,
Cause that's what I do best.
Shoulder the load,
And summon the ego.
That thing I forged to form
A future for myself.
The self assured truth
Of what I am,
And what I long to be.
Knowing myself in every step,
Knowing that sometimes,
Whats best for you
And what you want
Are different.
Makes up for loneliness.
But sometimes,
Like a piece of your heart removed,
You sit confounded gasping.
Tearing, clawing, screaming,
Beating the walls for air.
Breathing but not breathing.
Speaking but not speaking.
Crying, oh your crying.
But the tears just won't flow.
As your face flushes red,
Your eyes grow vibrant,
And you flip your bangs away.
The things I never said,
Because of respect.
The things I never knew
Because of restraint.
Protection of a greater good.
Hopeful of the future,
But the future comes so slow.
And it's fucking torture,
As I sit and I stare.
But I'll keep on smiling,
Cause that's what I do best.
Shoulder the load,
And summon the ego.
That thing I forged to form
A future for myself.
The self assured truth
Of what I am,
And what I long to be.
Knowing myself in every step,
Knowing that sometimes,
Whats best for you
And what you want
Are different.
On the lakes of canada
This was written because of the song below and great conversation.
The seasons change,
And so will I.
I offer you my hand
As we walk and change
Our minds.
I see the distance
Become that which I feared.
Into each sober touch
I pour my soul.
Into the emptiness
Of vapid hands.
Mind the gap I've bridged and falters.
Tread lightly on that which I am.
And should it fall away
Know I never meant it that way.
I feel that I can change.
I know that you can change.
I love the way we were,
But love what we are now more.
Come back I won't be waiting,
For I have pushed forward,
And now we're racing to our finish lines.
Then there was one left.
And that one left.
And now we found we both can change.
Although we both see the setting sun,
We see it at different times,
As different souls.
So easily things fall apart.
So easily they come together.
For Katya
The seasons change,
And so will I.
I offer you my hand
As we walk and change
Our minds.
I see the distance
Become that which I feared.
Into each sober touch
I pour my soul.
Into the emptiness
Of vapid hands.
Mind the gap I've bridged and falters.
Tread lightly on that which I am.
And should it fall away
Know I never meant it that way.
I feel that I can change.
I know that you can change.
I love the way we were,
But love what we are now more.
Come back I won't be waiting,
For I have pushed forward,
And now we're racing to our finish lines.
Then there was one left.
And that one left.
And now we found we both can change.
Although we both see the setting sun,
We see it at different times,
As different souls.
So easily things fall apart.
So easily they come together.
For Katya
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