Wandering

I've spent so much time wandering.
Looking to see,
Listening to hear,
Touching to feel.
Drawing circles on the ground,
And following them in my habit.
Constellations of thought,
So distant, yet,
Close enough to imagine.
Intellectually it all makes sense,
But... there was something missing.
Like the difference between
A dish you make,
And the way mom makes it.
The difference between a handshake,
And a hug.

So I've wandered,
Bereft and pursued disillusionment.
Thinking I could see life with my own eyes,
Feel love with my own heart,
And touch beauty with my own hands.
I came close.
So many times I pushed myself beyond my own understanding.
Pushed so hard that I forsake all else for the ideal.
Ripped the veils apart demanding,
I am man.
I am hope.
I am compassion.
So many times I've glimpsed what I was meant to be.
So many times I've heard the whispers of greatness.
And so many times I've fallen on my face.

The fact of being is,
We are not alone.
We are not independent.
No success is ours alone.
Whether it be Lord and Savior,
Or plain old mom and pops.
Sometimes roommates,
But often little sisters.
Pure force of will can only achieve so much.
Truth fullness provides the basis.
Humbleness provides the hope.
Love provides the motivation.

To say that I'm not wandering
Would be a lie.
But,
I would also be lying to say I have no
Truth,
Compassion,
Love,
Humility,
Frustration,
Sadness,
Pain,
Humanity.
They are all blessings for they remind us of our humanity.
Of our imperfections.

I once thought beauty was an ideal.
The ten out of ten can't exist.
Then I learned:
The beauty maybe what attracts you,
But the imperfections,
The demerits,
The scars,
The psychosis.
They are what keep you around.
The hope for a better future,
And the hope for an already perfect past.
I could be naught but what I am at this very moment.
Your reading or hearing this, you could also be naught but this.
And in these moments,
We taste the perfection of our imperfections.
I was wandering bereft.
Now, now I hike through the hills of insanity,
Comfortable inside my own skin,
Searching for another to share this with.