Cashin those checks

My words render me naked.

I may stand clothed in front of you,
But I am naked.
I may sit smiling,
But I am,
In this very moment,
The most terrified I have been
In many years.

This feeling confuses me:
Judgement.
When was the last time I cared about
Others judgement.
When was the last time
I felt my words
Could be my destruction
And not my salvation?
What does this all mean?

My writing is such a part of me.
They are the indellible ink on paper.
Thoughts mortared into some reality
Defining my thoughts.
Cause its so easy to have thoughts,
But so hard to set them in stone.
Cause when they are set
You can't just walk away.

I look back to the beginning of this leg
Of my journey.
The fear was that the words
Would not result in action.
The fear was that
I did not mean what I said,
And that I could not do
What I said.
Yet I stand here,
Naked.
Clothed only by my deeds
Cause I'm so scared of my own words.
For the first time,
Am I afraid to write checks
Knowing that I can cash em?

What does it mean
To finally be afraid
Of what many others
Have
Feared their
Entire
Lives.

What does it mean
To be human?

Penny for a thought, a Nickel for some Soul

I saw beauty in a painted bus
As it slowly rolled away
I wondered where they went
As muted music played
So much to build a universe
So little to observe
Yet in the vetted silence
I think I lost a nerve--
And chased the lumbering vehicle
That wandered down the street
So slowly it progressed
But it inched 'way past my feet
And in the distant sunlight
I swear I saw the doe
Descend from out the mountains
And snatch away my goal.
Now should my soul betray me
And leave my love to keep
Another place and time
As through a somber sleep.
I beg the Savior save me
From self and shallow scorn
For missing rides to distant lands
And brilliant (shallow) vision.

Cool Waters

One breath to speak a word
Two ears so we can hear it
One man to change the world
One heart so we can feel it
We are not permanent
This world is transient
Though hope is everlasting--
In these cool waters

If I am strong I can
I can shed these feelings
If I am smart I can
I can raise the ceiling.
In times of confidence
Your smile is so appealing
But when I'm down I miss
These cool waters

If I had fallen down
If I was sullied crying
Would you be there for me,
Though I be dead and dying?
I have no certainty
If what I say are lies though,
I am truthful in--
These cool waters.

I am whole
I am hopeful
I am strong
In these cool waters

Hold on to love she said
Hold on to what that smile means
Hold on to innocence
Despite the pain your feeling
You are not decadent
You are not the earth you live in
You are pure and whole--
In these cool waters.

The halves.

I looked in the mirror one day
And I did not recognize myself.

I saw a path that had sidestepped the conflict.

I saw everything that was wrong in me.

I saw beauty stamped on a wall in the bad part of Richmond.
It read: Love everyone.
It was partially covered by the word bloodkiller.
I laughed at the irony.

I saw love tattoo'd on a mans arm.
The picture of his children.
I asked him why he got the tattoo.
He said it gave him clarity.
He said it let him do what had to be done.
What had to be done to make a life for his family.
I shook his hand and told him
"I one day hope to be as strong as you."

I heard laughter covering up a broken heart,
As a joke went one step past the line
And shattered a happy moment,
With nasty words.
I am still sad that I said nothing.
Still sad that I did nothing.

I shed blood in an act of friendship.
Rather, a friend stood in the way of a blow
That split his lip.
It would not have been my first split lip,
But it was his.
He told me he wanted to know how it felt
To be strong under oppression.
I laughed and hugged him as I wept.
I choked out the words:
Now I know what it means to have a true friend.

I have dropped off a friend
Only to find out the next day
That he was dead.
I have thought I would die
Too many times.
I have prepared and planned for the way
To save my sister in the event of a drive by shooting.
I have been wronged.
I have wronged others.
I have spent hours on the blacktop
Staring at the flower that would not die.
I have called that flower a weed.
I have done what people would categorize as:
"What you got to do to survive."
I do not understand what that means.
I refuse to understand what that means.

I have sacrificed my entire self
To become this person before you.
And in the time that I have spent speaking before you now.
I have sacrificed myself,
To become better.

That same instant
I saw the good in me.
I saw strength and virtue.
I saw Abdul Baha's perfect example
Shining like a star.
I saw love blazing like a fiery angel inside
I saw tears of joy.

I saw everything that was right in me.

I feel the pressure,
Two times:
Inside and out.
Without a doubt
Life is easy,
If all you do is pout.
If you get it then I'll give it,
When I give it,
They're like damn.

(Daayyyammm)

Spit it, live it, climb and fight it,
Soul survivor,
Son of Sam.
Yes I am,
Livid, spinning,
Like those cyclist on the road.
See this minds a constant battle,
So I wrangle buck and flow.
Till you're like --"whoa."--

(Whisper: Wait, why did he stop speaking?)

Now I'm speeding,
Cause I'm angry,
So I'm rhyming like a tyrant.

(Whisper: Way to go, you made him angry.)

So I breath that fire frequent,
Forest fires, fire hydrant.
Be the cause and the beginning,
And the ends to understand,
But in the middle don't forget,
My blood is burning on the sand.

So I'll slow this karmic battle
Bullet time so ya'll can see.
(Slowly speak)
See my roots is in the fire,
So my leaves are black not green
Don't confuse,
Don't abuse it,
This respect I will devote,
Cause if you cross me,
Oh my brother,
I'll burn hotter for us both.
Smote and twisted,
Then enlisted,
Carry banner black in light.
I told you, all my brothers,
My leaves is black,
(Whisper: Wait isn't he brown? I don't get it.)
Cattle driver,
Shepard, fighter,
out of sight so out of mind.
See I'm sipping on the passion
Fuel the fire change the times.
If I'm screamin I be dreamin,
I beleive in desperate times
(Whisper: Why is he talking so loud?)
I can break this backward business,
I can shift the paradigm.

Till we eform it,
I been rockin and roll it.
Doesn't matter if you close it
I can break it and stone it.
I been facing the second hand,
Right up till the minute.
Then the hour devoured,
And made the finite infinite.
So I spin it and spin it,
Till your grinning
I seen it.
Till we feeling,
You feel it?
Till you singing
I sing it.
Till your living,
I live it.
See I'm fuming,
I'm livid.
Spitting rhymes
Like the daemon,
Unjust powers be scheming.
But the schemes aren't mighty,
Like the fist full of titans.
I cause earthquakes of world views,
See my lips only tighten
And the words that escape
Are honed sharper the knives
And they spit fire and cut through,
The wickedest times.
And the wickedest lines,
And those trickiest minds.
Soul submission to transmissions
Of the dismal-est signs.
If the signs only grow,
Like the loneliest crow.
See the blue turn black
And the end of this flow.

I said love,
What it gonna take to come through you.
See the truth is the moment we got up and then shown you.
If I spit this poison right, then truth will have shown through.
Why you sad homie?
This light is all for you.


So if I cut with a dagger,
Then my tongue is knife.
If I paint with a gun,
Then my life causeth strife.
But if I spit like an angel,
And I rise to the word.
Then I say,
Damn homie,
Man, This world is disturbed.
So imma dig through the rubble,
And plant in the land,
The seed of life,
What you think
I'm the stupidest man?
See these words is the truth,
And if you rocking the booth,
You better turn twice,
Turn nice,
You breaking your tooth.
Cause you been bitten
Yah your smitten
With the love for this land.
And if the love is the land,
Then the sea understands.
Well if the sea understands,
And your love is the land,
Raise your hands,
Palms up,
Supplicate,
Understand.

Stupidest Verse

Talk to strangers when family fails and friends lead you astray.
When jesus laughs and Buddha weeps and it turns out god is gay.
Cause angels and messiahs love can come in many forms,
Like the hallways of your projects or that fat girl in your dorms.

So I say..
Talk to strangers,
Deform it,
I been rockin and roll it.
Doesn't matter if you close it
I can break it and stone it.
I been facing the second hand,
Right up till the minute.
Then the hour devoured,
And made the finite infinite.
So I spin it and spin it,
Till your grinning
I seen it.
Till we feeling,
You feel it?
Till you singing
I sing it.
Till your living,
I live it.
See I'm fuming,
I'm livid.
Spitting rhymes
Like the daemon,
Unjust powers be scheming.
But the schemes aren't mighty,
Like the fist full of titans.
I cause earthquakes of world views,
See my lips only tighten
And the words that escape
Are honed sharper the knives
And they spit fire and cut through,
The wickedest times.
And the wickedest lines,
And those trickiest minds.
Soul submission to transmissions
Of the dismal-est signs.
If the signs only grow,
Like the loneliest crow.
See the blue turn black
And the end of this flow.

I said love,
What it gonna take to come through you.
See the truth is the moment we got up and then shown you.
If I spit this poison right, then truth will have shown through.
Why you sad homie?
This light is all for you.


So if I cut with a dagger,
Then my tongue is knife.
If I paint with a gun,
Then my life causeth strife.
But if I spit like an angel,
And I rise to the word.
Then I say,
Damn homie,
Man, This world is disturbed.
So imma dig through the rubble,
And plant in the land,
The seed of life,
What you think
I'm the stupidest man?
See these words is the truth,
And if you rocking the booth,
You better turn twice,
Turn nice,
You breaking your tooth.
Cause you been bitten
Yah your smitten
With the love for this land.
And if the love is the land,
Then the sea understands.
Well if the sea understands,
And your love is the land,
Raise your hands,
Palms up,
Supplicate,
Understand.

I said love,
What it gonna take to come through you.
See the truth is the moment we got up and then shown you.
If I spit this poison right, then truth will have shown through.
Why you sad homie?
This light is about you.

Rage

I feel the pressure,
Two times:
Inside and out.
Without a doubt
Life is easy,
If all you do is pout.
If you get it then I'll give it,
When I give it,
They're like damn.
Spit it, live it, climb and fight it,
Soul survivor,
Son of Sam.
Yes I am,
Livid, spinning,
Like those cyclist on the road.
See this minds a constant battle,
So I wrangle buck and flow.
Till you're like "whoa."
And I'm speeding,
Cause I'm angry,
So I'm rhyming like a tyrant.
So I breath that fire frequent,
Forest fires, fire hydrant.
Be the cause and the beggining,
And I'll end it this here plan.
But in the middle don't forget,
My blood is burning on the sand.

So appreciation of that station is my cause in this here land.
Sole cooperation is the reason for my stand.
If I'm burning through the roof throw some water on my hand.
Cause this mic is burning hot so I can survive these reprimands.

So I'll slow this karmic battle
Bullet time so ya'll can see.
My roots is in the fire,
So my leaves are black not green
Don't confuse,
Don't abuse it,
This respect I will devote,
Cause if you cross me,
Oh my brother,
I'll burn hotter for us both.
Smote and twisted,
Then enlisted,
Carry banner black in light.
I told you, all my brothers,
My leaves is black,
(Yah thats right.)
Cattle driver,
Shepard, fighter,
out of sight so out of mind.
Sipping on the passion
Fuel the fire change the times.
If I'm screamin I be dreamin,
I beleive in desperate times
I can break this backward business,
I can shift the paradigm.

So I say throw up your tired and bloody hands
And scream at the top of your lungs to save your lands.
If you can't do that, then fall to the contraband.
We need purity of seasons,
We need love for all of man.

Now I slowed it down enough,
It's time to speed it up.
If you done gone empty,
Quickly fill the cup.
With the Word,
Son of man,
Solo stand,
So I am,
So I am.
Solve the cypher,
Turn inside aside,
And be a fan.
Be the one,
Be enlisted,
Be talented and Risk it.
Be alive,
So you can taste it,
Fire hot
You almost missed it.
So I kissed,
Lost my lips,
Lost my eyes
To an ecclipse.
Turned so fast,
I almost flipped.
Hands are tired,
So I slipped.
Now I'm falling,
The dillema,
Slow it down,
Within the winter.
I say drop it,
Throw it faster,
This last chance,
Aint no disaster.
Livid,
spin it,
soldier win it,
light encounters,
Win it,
Thin it.
Spread it,
Showers,
Truth devours,
Darkness dying,
To our powers.
All this grinding,
Daily fuming,
Not denying,
Life resuming.
So reminding
Me to slow it.
Understand the truth below it.
Justice desires,
Foot to pavement,
Pavement miles,
So we perspire,
The love is in the journey,
And our hearts,
They are the fires.
So lets feed them till this roof
Is gonna char and then collapse,
Cause I love you brothers sisters,
And thats the only fact.

So I say throw up your tired and bloody hands
And scream at the top of your lungs to save your lands.
If you can't do that, then fall to the contraband.
We need purity of seasons,
We need love for all of man.